


There He Is

by skeletnos



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, Eventual Romance, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Minecraft, Other, Weapons, crack!fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:48:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23727850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skeletnos/pseuds/skeletnos
Summary: "With two hunger and only half a heart left, no food in my inventory, and one minute to sundown, I hardly have a shred of hope left at all. As I prepare to think my final thoughts, I stumble upon my salvation: an oak village. I enter a house, kicking a villager out of bed with a quick "sorry!" thrown over my shoulder, and quickly reset my spawn point. I awaken and head purposefully towards the farm I caught only the briefest glimpse of last night, hoping for some carrots.After I replenish my health and refill my hunger, I turn to explore the village, and that's when I see him. Tall, strong, and practically glowing in the blocky sunlight shining down on him, an iron golem with a kind face is holding out a red poppy to me."
Relationships: Original Female Character(s)/Iron Golem, Original Female Character(s)/Wandering Trader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 12





	1. Wait, What?

**Author's Note:**

> Um, I said this as a Joke to my friend yesterday, but I got bored today, so here we are. The summary is what I wrote in the notes app on my phone as an lmao yesterday, but it'll totes be part of the story. It's rated teen and up for some very VERY minor swearing, and the character death tag is just there to be safe. I mean, it's Minecraft, there's some dying. Anyhoo, if there are some tags you think I should add, please let me know!

I wake up in the middle of a field, nothing in my pockets. I sit up and look around, not quite able to figure out how I got here, and not remembering where I was before; my mind is fuzzy and my thoughts are unclear, and everything looks peculiar, almost a pattern of perfect cubes, but it all seems eerily familiar. As I try to figure out whether it’s my eyes malfunctioning or my brain processing visual inputs incorrectly, I notice a cow coming down a small hill right in front of me, and it hits me then. This field, this cow, the clouds in the sky, even the sun bringing light and heat to this world, everything is styled as though I had entered a game of Minecraft. For a moment, I am stunned, and then I remember that physically entering a computer game is impossible. So I’m either hallucinating or dreaming, then. Or, possibly, delusional, considering how it didn’t occur to me that I can’t actually be in Minecraft. Though, I did accept that I can’t be fairly easily, so maybe that part was just a regular dose of temporary stupidity. 

I don’t have any idea what could possibly have caused such a vivid hallucination, one that changes everything I see. Trauma, perhaps? I’ve experienced a trauma intense enough that I’m trying to escape by putting myself in a video game, which is almost frightening. But, hey, this is probably, hopefully, just a dream, and I decide that this is a really pretty field, and I can deal with a new trauma when someone comes along to force me to deal with it. Additionally, I’ve always wanted to lucidly dream, and I’d have to be a fool to give up the opportunity. Plus, I’ve been in quarantine for weeks, and I don’t exactly have anything better to do when I’m dreaming up a false world. Even if it is a hallucination, I can’t exactly do a whole lot, so I can take a look around. I approach the cow while looking at her dumb, adorable face. Wanting to pet her, I try to slowly reach out to touch her side, but my hand shoots out and punches her. The whole cow flashes red for a moment, and her body is thrown away from me. Right, can’t pet animals in Minecraft. I worry about who, or what, I might have just punched for a moment, but, since I figure it was probably just nothing and I didn’t actually move, I brush the thought aside and continue walking through the tall grass, stopping a few times to pick dandelions and sunflowers. 

I continue walking around picking blocky, pixelated flowers, occasionally stopping to admire the stupid square faces on the stupid, square animals, and my stomach starts to feel quite empty. I look up at the sky, figuring that that’s as good as I’ll get when it comes to checking the time. The sun is almost on the horizon, and I realize I haven’t eaten all day. I punch a cubic section of leaves off a nearby oak tree in dismay, and, to my surprise, an apple falls to the ground. I pick it up, clean it quickly on my shirt, and inspect it for bugs or holes. Seeing nothing, I shrug and take a bite, almost moaning at the flavor. This is, without a doubt, the juiciest, crispiest apple I’ve ever had the pleasure to eat. 

Once I finish the apple, gleefully satisfying my hunger, I notice my watch on my wrist. How have I not noticed this all day? My joyful surprise at the fact that I can actually check the time, instead of relying on the sun’s position in the sky, and using my horrible sense of direction to guess which way is west and which is east, promptly vanishes when I awaken the screen to something that is _definitely_ not the time. Instead of my regular watch face, or any of the others I have at the ready to switch to as I please, I see a row of ten hearts in the top half, and a row of ten drumsticks in the bottom half. I stare in disbelief for a moment, because, seriously? Whether this is a hallucination or a dream, it’s a pretty shit one. I can’t even figure out what the dang time is.

Suddenly, something hits me from behind, sending a sharp pain shooting up my back, and I shriek in terror. I spin around in the dark field, now bathed only in the moonlight emanating from the square moon rising slowly above me. There are monsters everywhere, and a skeleton is cocking another arrow, looking right at me with a frightening glint in its eye socket. How it manages to have a frightening glint in an eye socket is beyond me, but I shiver slightly, nonetheless. I try to calm myself down, reminding myself that this is just a dream, worst case scenario a hallucination, and I can’t actually get hurt. That’s when the skeleton shoots me with another arrow, this time causing it to sink into my stomach, and, okay, for a dream, the pain is pretty realistic. I think back on the other times I’ve died in a dream, when I woke up too afraid to open my eyes, or woke up having a panic attack, but even waking up in the midst of a panic attack might be better than the pain that’s in my back and my stomach. What, I wonder, would happen if I die, and this is a hallucination. Would I be dead? 

I decide to play it safe, and use my knowledge of Minecraft to quickly punch the dirt beneath my feet, hoping it’ll actually break, preferably _before_ I die. I successfully dig three blocks down, and replace the block above my head with the dirt that appeared in my hand. Definitely a dream, a very vivid one. I look at my watch again; one and a half hearts are missing from the ten, but the hearts replenish quickly and deplete some of the hunger bar. I’m really just a minecraft character right now, huh? I sure hope I’m not Steve. I dig a few blocks in front of me to make some more room, and break the dirt directly above where I’m now standing. Still night, damn. I sit there dejectedly for a few more minutes, because, sure this is just a dream, and I won’t actually die, but it is an exhilarating dream. It might be fun to try and survive as long as I can. I mean, I’m not great at Minecraft, but I’m not terrible either. I almost try to just sleep away the night on the ground, my impatience already getting to me, but this dream seems to be following the laws of Minecraft pretty strictly, and it almost certainly won’t work. 

I sit in the dark, on the cool, damp dirt below me for a while, and I can’t tell if it’s been several hours, or just a few minutes. They’re kind of the same thing in Minecraft, aren’t they? Eventually, I break the dirt block above me to check if it’s almost day again, and I’m delighted, when I jump to peer above the edge of the hole, to see the skeletons and zombies burning en masse. I build myself out of the small shelter I dug out for the night, relaxing now that the threat is gone. I start forward when I hear bacon sizzling, and I suppose I’m going to wake up soon. Well, it was fun while it lasted. I spin around, taking one last look at the beautiful world I’m likely never to see again, and stop short when I see the creeper, that was behind me mere seconds ago, about to explode.

“OH SHI-”

  
  



	2. Biggleboggled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kinda slow. Sorry, wanted to get some technical stuff, like how to access the inventory, etc, out of the way.

I wake up in the middle of a field, nothing in my pockets. I sit up and look around, not quite able to figure out how I got here, while my memories from moments ago trickle back into my memory, one drop at a time, like a leaky faucet. A creeper blew me up, so shouldn’t I be awake now? That’s how it usually works; die in the dream, wake up in real life. Maybe I’m just deeper asleep than I thought. A little freaked out, I slowly get to my feet. As I struggle upwards, it occurs to me that, despite this being a dream (or something), I still have the knees of an old man. Great. 

I decide the safest course of action is to just play the game as best I can. I want to avoid being shot and blown up, if at all possible, thanks. That shit hurted. I hesitantly approach an oak tree, wondering if getting the wood will hurt my hands, but I suppose the only way to find out is to just go for it. I punch the tree trunk for a few seconds, pleasantly pain-free, and an oak log falls to the ground. I’m starting to get into it, because I am actually living Minecraft right now, and that’s pretty cool, and I finish the rest of the tree. I turn all the wood into planks to make a crafting table, which I use to craft some sticks, a wooden pickaxe, and a wooden axe. I break the crafting table, and mine another tree, taking note of the fact that the items I just acquired are either strapped to my back or hanging from my belt, axe in my hand. The crafting table, planks, and logs have somehow shrunk down. They’re now the size of one of those stuffed animal’s people clip to their backpacks.

I wander the field looking for stone to mine, when I stumble into a rather large hole, accidentally picking up some loose dirt as I fall. I groan, amazed and annoyed that I somehow didn’t see it, and push myself back up. I study the small crater once I exit it, and I think how much it looks like something exploded. It doesn’t match the surrounding terrain at all. I notice a few flowers that appear to be bobbing up and down and… floating? Holy crap, this is where I died earlier. I reach for the flowers, and they vanish with a resounding pop when my hand closes around them. In my head, I count how many items I’ve gotten so far. Crafting table, sticks, planks, axe, pick, dirt, flowers, logs. Okay, that’s eight items. I’ll be able to hold one more in my pockets or whatever, but after that I’ll have to figure out where the items go. I guess it’s not really urgent.

I head forward (? I think? I should find out how to check, that might come in handy) for a few more minutes (maybe) and I begin to see the shape of something tall in the distance. A mountain, perhaps? I sprint closer, which is pretty cool, considering that, even if my leg didn’t stop me from running comfortably, I’m too out of shape to run for more than three seconds anyway. As I approach, the shape becomes clearer, and, yes, it’s a mountain. I collect eleven cobblestone from its base -- three for a stone pick, and eight for a furnace -- place my crafting table, and craft the new pickaxe and the furnace. When I collect my crafting table, it disappears. I am, as the kids say, rather biggleboggled, just for a few moments, then I realize it’s now in my inventory. I guess now would be a good time to figure out how to retrieve those items, huh?. 

Taking a guess, I examine my watch closely. In the bottom right corner, there are three dots in a box. I press the dots, and a rectangle of 27 squares appears on the watch screen, with a row of nine more spots underneath, which I suppose is my hotbar. I move the logs, sticks, and planks into my inventory, and put the crafting table back into my hotbar. I press the little digital crown, assuming that will bring me back to the face the same way my watch does, and I am pleased to be proven correct. If my inventory can be accessed from the watch, perhaps the direction I’m facing and my coordinates can be as well? I press the side button when I see nothing on the screen, and suddenly I’m looking at my coordinates and the direction I am facing. The mechanics of this imagery my subconscious created are _really_ weird, this makes no sense at all. But, I suppose, most dreams don’t. 

I leave the mountain and go back into the field, since I had passed many animals on my previous journeys through here, and, boy, am I _hungry_. I look at my hunger bar on my watch; four drumsticks left. I can only sprint a little longer, assuming my sprinting is the same as the game when I’m sitting at my desk, and I can no longer run once I’m down to three drumsticks. I immediately use up what’s left of hustle, slowing back down to a walk just as I near a group of pigs. Of course, it only now occurs to me that I forgot to make a sword. Awesome. I wield my wooden pick, since I’ve no intention to use it for any more mining, and kill four piggies. I am so glad there’s no blood, I feel bad enough doing this. I apologize over and over, even after the pigs are gone. I have to refill my hunger bar, at least a little, so I place my furnace and put the mutton inside, along with some my wooden pick for fuel, followed quickly by a few planks.

When I look up from my furnace, porkchops in hand, the sky is turning pink, and the sun is beginning to set. I hastily mine up my furnace, dig down into the ground a few blocks, and replace the block on top. I dig out the two spaces in front of me, placing my furnace and my crafting table. I set a log to cook into charcoal, and dig out a slightly bigger area for myself. When the charcoal is finished, I craft four torches, and place one on the wall next to me. I dig the blocks into a staircase shape until I hit stone, place a torch, and dig a two-by-two area to mine up some more cobble. Once I have a couple, I head to my crafting table and use my final stick to make a stone sword. 

I gather some more cobblestone, even find a few blocks of coal ore, and I’m glad I won't have to use wood for fuel or have to make charcoal, at least for a bit. Mostly, though, I just settle in on the damp dirt in my make-shift refuge for the night. All I have to keep myself busy is _think_ , so I guess I should think of something to do. Let’s see, the Fibonacci Sequence is 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13…………..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love u


	3. friCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I promise I'm not actually this clumsy when I play Minecraft. Also, this chapter is kinda longer than the other two but a lot happens in it.

…… Resistance. Electronvolt. Teravolt. Torque. Electrostatic. Coulomb. Is it morning yet? I put my word game on hold to stand and mine the dirt block above me to check the time. It’s still night, but I can’t see the moon from where I am, so I jump up to see out of the hole the same way I had done the night before. When I peek over the edge, I see that the moon is getting fairly close to the horizon, but I also see a creeper very near to my shelter, facing my way. I replace the dirt as quickly as I can. Don’t want a repeat of yesterday morning.

I wait for what may be two hours or two minutes before I mine away the block above me again and rise from my dirt hole like a phoenix from its ashes. Once I reach the surface, I carefully look around in every direction, because there is no way I’m about to let a creeper blow me up again. Once I’m satisfied that there’s no immediate danger, I start running north. I am tired of the slow walking pace I kept yesterday, and I want things to go much faster. 

I run for a bit, but I slow down when I come across beaches filled with turtles, and a vast ocean just beyond the dry sand. I survey the area, and come to a complete halt when I see a bit of wood peeking out from beneath the gentle salty waves. I walk to the edge of the water, and once I’m satisfied that I am, in fact, looking at a shipwreck, I dive into the clear blue water. Once I reach the sunken ship, I pack some dirt along one of the masts, creating a platform to stand on between dives. I take a breath and swim down to the ship, going for the supply chest that I know will be resting beneath the trapdoors. I open the chest and grab everything from inside, as fast as I can, push off from the wooden floor beneath my feet, and reach the surface of the water with barely a second to spare before I run out of breath. I climb onto my dirt platform, sea water weighing down my clothes and dripping into my face. 

I take several deep breaths to calm my racing heart and fill my lungs up with oxygen before I examine my loot. Looking at my watch, I open up the inventory and study my findings. Four carrots, six coal, one suspicious stew, leather pants with a projectile protection enchantment, and an inventory that is starting to fill up. Well, one space, once I put on the pants, which I move to my hotbar and delicately step into. With another deep breath to pull as much air as I can into my lungs, I dive back down, and head for the room with the map chest. I stop in the doorway, a pocket of air deep within the bowels of the ship, and let out the breath I was holding.

I can just reach the chest from where I am standing, so I take my time with this chest. Inside sits a map to buried treasure, an empty map, a clock, and a book. I grab everything, safely storing it all in my inventory, and swim back up to my platform. I add some more dirt to the platform, increasing its surface area, and carefully sit down. I place my new clock (finally!!) in my hotbar, and notice that the day is more than half over. I should get to the last of the chests and get out of here. After readying myself for another dive, I head for the captain’s quarters for the treasure chest, and find it hidden away behind dirt and sand.

With an exasperated sigh, I go back to my platform, place my crafting table, and craft myself a stone shovel. Wielding my shovel, I dive back down and start to dig. The water is causing friction against my limbs, and I’m trying to dig wet sand and dirt while holding my breath, so my movements are all much more sluggish than usual, much more than I had wanted. I only break a couple blocks of dirt before running out of air, and I have to swim back to the surface as quickly as I can, and I can feel myself taking damage. I tread water for a minute what I catch my breath, and as my head goes back under water, I see ten bubbles above my hunger bar representing my oxygen. Better keep a closer eye on that. 

I continue digging for a while, coming back up for oxygen frequently enough that I don’t drown, and I am making a fair amount of headway. I glance at my work, satisfied with myself, and swim up to the surface to catch my breath and grab a snack. When my head breaks the surface, I think for a moment that I got something in my eye. It only takes me a few seconds to realize that, no, it’s just night time. How did I not notice the sun setting? I swim over to my platform to climb on, place a torch or two, and get a bite of food.

I sit there, slowly making my way through a porkchop, and observing the world around me; it’s almost peaceful here, with the sea waves lapping mildly against my dirt platform and the moon above me in the sky. Unfortunately, the illusion of tranquility is broken when I turn my head to look ashore and see a skeleton and a zombie, duking it out on the sandy beach. I finish my porkchop and jump back in the water, doing a pencil dive back down to my digging space. I whip out my shovel and dig most of the way through a block of dirt when something hits me in the back. I jump and attempt a terrified shriek, letting out all of the air I was holding in one fell swoop. I shoot to the surface, looking down below me as I go, and see a mass of bloated, waterlogged, rotting flesh swimming just behind me.

Crap! I forgot about drowned zombies! I scramble onto my dirt haven, but the zombie keeps heading in my direction. I grab my sword, inch to the edge of the dirt, and hit the drowned zombie back several feet. I try to reach forward to strike it again, but the first blow sent it just out of reach for my sword. I hop in the water for a moment, just long enough for the drowned bastard to come closer to me. I get back onto my platform, turn toward the zombie, who’s already sinking back down into the water, and attack. I repeat this process a few more times until it dies, and I practically collapse on the dirt below me. That was actually kinda terrifying. Fun fact: drowned zombies smell like a raw piece of meat that was left out in the sun too long, and then left to sit in a vat of swamp water for two weeks. I want to puke.

As I lie on my back, I stare up and the sky, and try to get my mind off that horrible stench by looking for constellations. There’s no light pollution in Minecraft, I wish I could see the Milky Way, but I can even find Polaris and the Little Dipper. I’m not sure how long I stare up at the sky, lying exhausted on my back, but by the time I finally start to get back up, the sun has started to come up. Situated where I am in the water, I have an unobstructed view of the sunrise, and the beautiful colors streaking across the sky are all too welcome. I slide back into the water, check around me for any more entities with any kind of malicious intent, and saunter vaguely downward to where I’ve nearly freed the captain’s quarters. I finish my task of digging out the final chest, and I only have to come up for air twice. I swim into the room to open the treasure chest and quickly put everything into my inventory before I run out of air. I become rather agitated when I realize I can’t get everything into my inventory because I’ve run out of space. I swim up for air, dive back down, and quickly put my wooden axe, the last of my dirt, and the rotten flesh I accidentally picked up in the chest, grab the last few items, and come up to breathe and to leave.

I swim back to shore, passing by a few turtles who are chilling on the beach. I walk purposefully toward the plain I came from the day before, and continue on my journey. I run until I’m so hungry I can’t anymore, and stop to eat the last of my porkchops and two of my four carrots. With my hunger bar full, I head off at a slightly slower pace now that I’m in a new enough area that I should walk rather than run. I walk for several hours, stopping at a few trees to collect some more logs, and I’m actually quite impressed with the size of this field. Like, I’ve been in here for days. Crazy. I’m strolling casually through lots of tall grass, thinking about how much Yaso would love this place, when I take a step forward into nothing, and plummet a short distance into a cave. Ow. I look at my watch; one and a half hearts missing.

I look around to see if there’s an easy access exit, and not just an “ouchie access” entrance, but there doesn’t appear to be. I sigh, remembering that I sacrificed my dirt for some iron ingots, so I can’t jump-build my way out. I deflate a little, and get my shovel and pick ready to dig myself some stairs up. I dig my first stair when I hear a sizzling again and, oh god, another creeper. “No, shit, no, crap, FRICK!” I turn, hit the little shit with my sword to, hopefully, knock it back a little, and run off in the other direction as fast as I can manage. I hear the explosion, and the shockwave slams me into the floor, but someone is looking out for me -- whoever is on the computer? My subconscious? -- because I don’t die. I glance at my watch, and my health is increasing, slightly, from half a heart. I dig up a few more stairs and place some cobblestone behind me to block the entrance, just in case. I’m down three hunger, so I eat a carrot so my health can keep increasing, I dig another few stairs, I eat the final carrot, and I dig the final stair to freedom. 

I breathe in the fresh air, happy to be back on the surface, and glance at my clock to see how much time I have left before I’m screwed; little less than half a day. Damn. I keep going in the same direction, trying to be careful. I only have six hearts in my health bar, and I don’t have any more food. After a little while, I grow tired of the slow pace of walking, and start running, stopping every once in a while to break a block or two so I can go over a mound of earth easier. Eventually, I get used to my routine of running, stopping to break a few blocks up a hill, and easily jumping down the mound without making stairs, that I stop checking the drop first to see if it’s safe. Big mistake. 

I head up a mound, not thinking about the change in grass color or how I have to break a few more blocks than usual, and walk right off the edge, expecting a two or three block drop, and fall maybe seven dirt cubes to another ledge, and stumble off of this one to the ground. I hear a slight cracking, though I’m sure that’s just my imagination, and check my health bar; five and a half hearts gone, only half of one left. I know I said I’d be careful before, but this time I _really_ mean it. I decide to go back into the field, since, despite appearances, I know it better. I take off at a run, and keep it up for about four seconds before I abruptly start walking, and try as I might, I can’t bring myself back up to a sprint. Ah, I see. I’ve hit three drumsticks. I’m definitely in for another long night buried underground. I’ve no food, no ability to run, four hearts, and, according to my clock, sundown is in-

How I’m managing to be as unobservant as I am, I may never know, but I manage to fall. Again. This time, though, not enough to take damage. I’ve fallen into a narrow, deep hole the perfect size for my body. I dig myself some stairs and climb out of the hole, and check my watch. With two hunger and only half a heart left, no food in my inventory, and one minute to sundown, I hardly have a shred of hope left at all. As I prepare to, once again, think my final thoughts, I stumble upon my salvation: an oak village. I head toward it as fast as my hungry body will allow, taking a mental note of the farm in the center, and I enter a house, kicking a villager out of bed with a quick "sorry!" thrown over my shoulder, and quickly reset my spawn point. 

I awaken and head purposefully towards the farm I caught only the briefest glimpse of last night, hoping for some carrots. After I replenish my health and refill my hunger, I turn to explore the village, and that's when I see him. Tall, strong, and practically glowing in the blocky sunlight shining down on him, an iron golem with a kind face is holding out a red poppy to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crisp high five to whoever spotted the, admittedly obvious, slightly forced, Good Omens reference. Also, Yaso is my doggie and he likes to eat tall pieces of grass because he is a Silly. I love him, the iron golem, David Tennant, and u :^)


	4. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The description of the trader is meant be corny and dumb, I'm just saying

I take a step forward and tentatively take the flower from the iron golem. I look down briefly to admire the flower, and when I look back up to thank him, he’s already turning away to walk off in another direction. I shrug my shoulders, stick the flower in the button-hole on my jacket, and walk toward another building to check for any chests with goodies inside. I wander from house to house, checking what kind of jobs there are and looking for a house to take over, and I finally see a two door house with a bed inside. These are the houses I’m most familiar with, so I guess this one will do for now. Plus, I could always use the extra room.

I place my crafting table, make a stone axe, a second chest to put extra blocks in, and grab my crafting table. I turn to the foot of my bed and mine up the chair and the wooden planks underneath it. I dig down a few blocks, dig myself a basement, and place my crafting table and my furnace. I place my chests and put my valuables in it before I place ladders on the wall and a trapdoor at the top. I climb up and back into the main house, having completed my basement. I decide there’s nothing urgent to be done, so I craft seven stone shovels, grab all my dirt, and go outside to start cleaning up the messy pathways.

I start on the side I came into the village on, making clean, three block wide pathways, but I only get a small section done before the skies are quite dark. I start on my way back to my house since I don't want to deal with the hostile mobs that are already beginning to spawn. I pause when I see a skeleton appear in the distance, suddenly existing where there was empty space only seconds before. How do the laws of physics work in this place work, I wonder? I’m snapped out of my reverie as I begin to ponder Minecraft’s stance on the law of conservation of matter when an arrow hits me in the back. I run toward my house as arrows continue to bombard me from behind.

When I make it back to my house, I am breathing hard, and I can feel the adrenaline coursing through my veins. I glance out my window and I can see the iron golem totally owning those skeletons, and just generally being a King. I blow him a kiss through the window, knowing he has no idea. I turn to my bed, pleased to see that no villager has claimed ownership of this one, and fall into a deep slumber. 

I awaken in the early morning to a loud, deep voice saying something about buying plants and dyes. I stare at the ceiling for a few moments in total confusion, since nobody in Minecraft actually talks. I suppose I can recall quiet conversations around me when I was outside and walking around during the day, but I had assumed that was just the villagers’ “hmm”s. I realize it must be the wandering trader, and I exit my house, wondering if I’ll feel any guiltier for killing him for his leads now that I’m in the game with him. I start eating some bread as my breakfast, and check my stats on my watch. 

I walk up to the wandering trader and ask about his trades without looking up. He wordlessly hands me a booklet with a list of what he’s selling next to the costs. I quickly flip through the trades, seeing if he’s offering pumpkin seeds or melon seeds, which I would purchase for farms. I get to the end of the book, seeing nothing of interest to me, and hand him the book back. I finally look up at him when he reaches for the book, and my breath catches in my throat.

He is looking at me with emerald green eyes, matching the ones peeking out of the pouch leaning against his side. His skin is tanned from hours in the sun, and he looks to be of egyptian descent… or whatever the Minecraft equivalent is. He puts his hand on my arm with a questioning look in his eyes, and I realize he had been saying something to me. I clear my throat and blink a few times, and offer him a flustered, “sorry, can you say that again?”

“I asked if you saw anything you wanted,” he says, much softer than the voice that had woken me up. 

“Oh. No, sorry, nothing caught my eye,” and I’m a little shocked to realize I am a little sorry. He waves off my concerns with a, “no worries,” and a soft, friendly smile, and I can feel a faint blush warming my cheeks despite my best efforts to keep it down. I decide I have to get out of there before I embarrass myself, and I conjure a smooth excuse.

“I, um, I have to go do other things. Path fixing. You know how it be, dawg.” Dammit. Definitely  _ not _ smooth. 

“Oh yeah, I get it. It be how it be,” he replies with a smirk. I groan and begin to turn away with frustration, but pause to look back at him and ask, “you sticking around awhile?” 

He responds with a nod and a wave, and I head back to my work with satisfaction and anticipation. I continue fixing the paths, and I have to stop to gather more dirt quite frequently. When my fifth shovel breaks, I accept it as good timing, and I instead go hunt some sheep. After I kill four or five, I head toward my house. On my way home, I pass by the wandering trader, and I come to a halt as he looks up, steeling myself for another conversation with him, and walk closer.

“You got a name, Mr Wandering Trader?”

He looks surprised for a moment, and beams at me. “Alec, my name’s Alec. You know, people don’t actually ask me too often.”

I frown, “that’s not very friendly. Well, Alec, it’s very nice to meet you.”

“Likewise. Are you heading back to your house? It’s not even sunset yet,” he says, bemusement dancing across his features.

“I’m allowed to be inside without going to sleep, you know,” I say with a raise of my eyebrow, crossing my arms.

“I see. Not much to do inside, though, is there? So, how’s the ‘path fixing’ going, dawg? Or do you have to go do other things again?”

I groan lightly, ignoring the blush I can sense creeping up my neck. Light reflects off the spark of playfulness in his eyes, and I glare at him. “Yeah, well, like you said earlier, man. It be how it be. Sorry to leave you so soon, but things won’t do themselves”

“Yes, of course. You’re a busy person, I see that now,” he says with a very serious look on his face, but I can see the joke flashing in his eyes, and he winks. I glance at the sky in a fake eye roll, and I see the sun is almost finished setting, so I silently point to the sky, smiling and turning toward my house. With the butterflies in my tummy distracting me, I only manage a few steps before I hear a quiet, “seriously? Crap,” from behind me. I turn back to Alec, and I see him holding up an empty bottle in dismay. Right, wandering traders in Minecraft turn themselves invisible at night with a potion.

I take a deep breath and walk back toward the subject on my thoughts all day, unsure in my steps. “Trouble? Your potion is empty, isn’t it,” I say sympathetically as I near Alec. He looks up at me with a grimace, nodding slowly. 

“I hope I don’t regret this, but I have some spare room and an extra bed. You can stay at my place if you want. Go tie up your llamas, I live in the only house with double doors,” I say, carefully not letting my nerves show. I wait until he nods gratefully, and I hurry back to my house. Crap, crap, I don’t have much time to craft the spare bed that I  _ don’t actually have _ . I work as fast as I can, and right after I place the bed, there’s a knock on my door.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> It's crack, but hopefully well written crack (is that a thing?), and I'm low-key really proud of it. I hope I come back to it, but I have the attention span of a friendly dog during a house party full of dog lovers, and I abandon projects a lot. However, even if I never update this again, and I am planning on updating it, but if I don't, it could totally just end there. I love you all.


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